Positive Obsessions
"Positive obsession is about not being able to stop just because you're afraid & full of doubts. Positive obsession is dangerous. It's about not being able to stop at all." Octavia Butler
Photo by Mukhtar Shuaib Mukhtar
Positive Obsession
A few weeks ago, I was reflecting hard on Containment as spiritual practice and Containment as a mental health strategy. The simple act of naming the worry, fear, or distress that feels too heavy to carry in any given moment, and with intention, finding a container for which it can be held. I left that reflection with poignant questions for future pondering, and as it turns out, the future is now! One of the questions asked;
How will I know I’m ready to retrieve what I’ve contained?
My writing, right here inside this Willed Radiance community, is a real-time breathing account of containment. It’s a place that holds sadness; it holds truths too scary to say out loud, anger-turned-poetic prose, and random shit from my journal pages. It’s a potpourri of old essay excerpts, snatches of original poetry, reverence for the words and artistry of ghosts, and for folks still breathing and walking the Earth. This space has served as a living, ever-evolving space of containment.
I’m putting some meat on the bones of this idea today because I’ve noticed that twice over the past week or so, I’ve been drawn back into previously activated spaces and projects that were rich, felt life-affirming at the time, and were absolutely necessary. I categorize them as positive obsessions that kept me up late at night and animated my spirit in ways that I couldn’t name in the moment.
Resurfacings
“Being passionate about something is being in love with life. But being obsessed with something is living life at another level.” — Neera Mahajan
Photo by Cesar Ricciulli:
My writing and visual art practice has always felt ancient, otherworldly, existing in a nebulous space and time, often shaped by my dreams or by some random, obscure idea that takes form in the final hour, at the very last minute, just as I am settling into something completely different. Topics that I want to write about or works of unexpected art might emerge as a result of poorly defined plans, which come together in odd ways, and if I don’t reach out and grasp them in the moment, they will surely slip through my fingertips.
For the past year and a half, I haven’t felt the ability to access important aspects of my creative practice. It’s been like walking with a blindfold, trying to write with no pen, or with hands tied behind my back. Whatever ingredients are needed to write a poem, start and finish a collage, or make paper have been out of the question since December 2024. It created anxiety and mourning in my internal system; it felt like abandonment, kinda like losing a friend and never being told why, which sucks!
Alas, as I simply continued living my life, just kept on mindin’ my Black business; spirit-level downloads and creative inspiration have resurfaced. Because I created a space of containment for the unresolved feelings and anxieties around what felt like a creative disruption, I’m now able to begin the retrieval process.
What does this look like for me? I began by noticing how I packed up all of my art supplies. It was thoughtful and somber, the elements of myself as artist were folded and neatly tucked away under beds, finding a new home stacked in repurposed desk drawers. I could tell it was done slowly; it was a type of release. I began by pulling out the baskets of paint, the tools, and the bins of paper I had designed. The collage work, remnants of tiny positive obsessions, were all there, untouched and waiting for a fresh interpretation and new insight. The energy has been palpable, and I now sense a strengthened psyche that can better support what’s waiting to be revealed. My container is now ready…again.
“Positive obsession / Blunts pain, Diverts rage, / And engages each of us / In the greatest, / The most intense / Of our chosen struggles.” — Octavia Butler
I know that I’m ready to retrieve what has been contained because my life is allowing me to wrap new realities around my passions and struggles. One sure sign of life is daily experiences with death. Our mourning and grief are how we revere life itself; it’s how we express gratitude for life as a cycle that always must include death.
Life continues to bring me ample opportunities for strategic goodbyes and well-timed hellos.
The best thing for me to do is simply practice presence. To be here in the material of my mind and in the physical essence of my body.
My sense is that life is our most intense chosen struggle, and the more we can recognize and honor its structure and patterns, the more we can experience the life cycles of our positive obsessions.
So yeah, I’m back in the studio, I’m coming back home to the art and handwork of my ancestors. I’m being shown that it’s time for another round of building more muscle memory around my craft and learning to extract its life-giving medicine.
Future Ponderings
When obsession feels dangerous, what exactly is at risk? Your comfort? Your current identity? The possibility of failure….wait, is danger even bad?
Are you currently in love with life, or are you tolerating it while waiting for something to ignite you?
Can you be truly obsessed with something you're not also afraid of? What does fear reveal about the stakes?
Is there something you're afraid to become obsessed with because you know it would reorganize your entire life around it?